My m8 Louis and I were extras on Made in Chelsea. How? He signed us up to a gig at Oslo, Hackney, which would be filmed for the show.
Hackney expected us for for 9am and despite my hour and a half commute, I woke up out of bed with a sense of purpose!! I wore my hair down because it’s short and I have no other option. Also linen trousers, a baggy green top and wrapped around my waist, a striped shirt, because the back of my trousers had a stain. Nasty!
We were greeted by some yattys who gave us wristbands, coloured to differentiate us from the “real” extras who would get paid for the five hour day. OUTRAGEOUS! This made me feel like a beg; it was clear we had signed up for this shit for free!! What would Jamie Laing think?
Two boys were playing with their cross earrings which looked suspiciously like Serge Denimes. To the two boys’s left, there were two girls pacing around the place, which gave me a headache and a half!! Girl one had a shaved head that was pink and like people who wear animal onesies at festivals, it felt as if her hair was a cry for attention. She didn’t wear it very well. Girl two was fanning girl one because she was sweaty about meeting the cast.
There were plenty of other people around but weren’t interesting enough to remember.
STRAIGGGGHT off the bat I then saw Miles Nazaire, who clearly came right from a spray tan. #GloFulham. He had on brown desert boots and was smoking a cheeky BLEM which surprised me because I thought he was all about his health!? The pretty. little LIAR! Looking as effeminate in person, he chatted up the wristband girls who clung on to his every “pardy” or “buddy” or “mate”.
Before I could even catch a breath, Harry Baron and Melissa swiftly followed. Harry looked drenched in Maybelline’s Dream Matte Mousse, wearing an unbuttoned Reiss shirt and a skeletal frame. I hope he was ok. Melissa on the other hand… well, we can’t all be stars can we? 😉
Finally we were ushered in to Oslo, in the upstairs bit where you’d normally go to see music. There were actors playing bartenders which was funny and huge film cameras and ambient lighting scattered about. As I edged closer to the stage, I saw red tape on the floor, each with a name written on. ‘Jamie Laing’, ‘Melissa’, ‘Sammy T’, like placemats but for the floor. These people actually needed to be told where to stand. Wow!! Lucky for us, we could stand where we wanted, just as long as we weren’t breathing down one of the cast’s necks. All of a sudden, a woman who looked like the Kings Road on a Sunday, got on stage.
“Hi Everyone!!! We need BIG energy!! I wanna see hands in the air, I wanna see DANCING. You’re at a gig ok!??
It was happy clappy and a bit desperate, like she had been here one too many times before. One by one, the cast members assembled to their masking tape, and the mood of the room shifted. Us extras suddenly kept shtum and felt nervous. Jamie Laing entered in a cloud of too sweet smelling cologne. He was wearing a weird adventure hat and was glued to the hip with his French girlfriend, who is as annoying in person as she is on screen.
Just a lot of giggling and pushing away, and hair flipping and “Jayyyyyy-mieeeee.” Jamie had a lot of confidence but he didn’t seem as innocent as his Candy Kitten sweeties or his “Happy Hour” vlog. I forgot to mention Sam Thompson was also there. He seemed sweet enough, but kept taking phone calls and walking off to their “green room”.
The wristband girls threw us all red plastic cups, the one’s you get a frat party. Instead of beer, they were filled with water. Alex Mytton got special treatment because he had a jam jar filled with lemonade.
END OF PART 1!
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2— (JUICY GOSSIP)