‘Well…hello there. Who are YOU?’
I originally heard about this last year and when I knew Brooklyn’s finest, Penn Badgley, was going to essentially be reprising his role in Gossip Girl, I couldn’t wait to see what I imagined would be a complete travesty. I’m not gonna lie to you, from the first few minutes of episode 1, I was completely hooked and watched the entire series in a single day.
Anyway, I’m assuming you’ve seen the show as there are going to be be a lot of spoilers!
The first thing that struck me was that Joe looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept since Gossip Girl stopped filming. I don’t know what work has been like for the poor lamb but clearly no one was feeding him. This may have been an intentional thing as it did add to the whole gormless creepy outsider/stranger vibe that Joe was all about.
We are introduced to Beck in episode 1, who is an absolute *hottie* who Joe notices pretty quickly ;)! After their first chance encounter in the book shop where Joe works, he takes it upon himself to stalk her Fb/Insta/Linkedin/Tumblr/Bebo armed with her name. At this point I thought fair enough, classic Tuesday night, nothing to cause alarm. Until we see Joe standing outside Beck’s building, wanking into a bush…and it only went downhill from there.
I took the liberty of BREAKING down some of the show’s BEST bits:
There has been meme after meme about this already, but seriously, WHERE ARE YOUR CURTAINS BECK?? Joe’s lucky day as she seems to be happy having 3am booty calls with Benji practically up against the window frame.
2.) The THERAPIST
The therapist had a hard rap. He was so not fucked to listen to Joe rambling on that he had to crack out the medicinal marijuana. Shout out to John Stamos – the roles must be coming in slow and far between that he took this one, but an iconic appearance all the same. Turns out Joe wasn’t completely crazy coz this guy actually was having an affair with Beck (shlag) but did he deserve to be blamed for all of Joe’s crimes?? I don’t think so.
3.) The TOMATOES
Joe sends out a helpless child, Paco, to pick up a grocery list of items that will enable him to get rid of a body. This is quite literally a list of acids and other serial killer stuff. When the police are called, Joe says that these items were simply for his erb garden and proceeds to show them his ripe cherry tomatoes. PLOT HOLE, as the geezer clearly hasn’t eaten in years but Joe brushes this off saying that because he ‘looks like a nice guy’ the police would never have suspected him. I beg to differ. He looked like a creeper who wore the same jacket for the entire series and was asking a small child he’s not related to to pick up some acids.
4.) The CAPTAIN
Old Cappy is introduced as a man on a manic chirpse texting Beck asking her to come through in a corset, making us think he was a sugar daddy. He actually turns out to be her very much alive father. The Captain only features briefly in this one episode, and it’s to show us that Beck made up her dad was dead due to the PTSD of him shooting up. Shout out to the red ladle. Joe, of course, turns up at this olden time convention out of town, and genuinely tries to back the idea that he just happened to be there…come on Joe, you can do better.
The unsung hero of the whole series, poor Benji didn’t really deserve the beef either. Joe, being the world’s most trash serial killer, decides to keep Benji at his PLACE OF WORK and starve him of his almond milk matcha lattes until Beck forgets about him. You can tell he is a master of espionage as he tortures someone where he works and hides the evidence in his home. The perfect crime no one could link back to him. He eventually burns the body IN THE PARK at a public bonfire which he tries to invite two passers by to…snm.
Peach was so jarring that she actually made me like Joe so RIP to Shay Mitchell‘s acting. It was almost as if Joe wanted Peach to find him out, or he had given up caring as he stole the Oz book after she literally found him staring at it. Also classic that Joe’s pee is still in that jar in her house.
7.) The BOOKSHOP OWNER
If some random old man you’re not related to is building glass boxes for books and locking you inside, quit ya god damn job.
‘Hey, what are you watching?’‘YOU…’