WORDS: NINA PEZESHKIAN
Mark was one of the best looking people I’d seen in a while.
We had been on two good dates including suit shopping (quite niche) and for drinks in some Tiki themed basement. He didn’t contact me again,
SIX MONTHS LATER
And I’m still besotted
by this dude’s face.
So, when he asks
to go out again-
One day, we’re
texting and he asks
“Interested in learning a money
making skill with like minded individuals?”
Straight off the bat, I’m confused.
I had never expressed interest in the topic.
Being a smart ass, I reply:
‘LOL sounds like you’re inviting me to a cult.’
It’s a talk on forex –
you’ll really enjoy it.
We can get drinks after and discuss it.’
There was really something about Mark.
So much so, that I honestly would have
agreed to go to a Harvest Your Own Organs
party if he was going to be there.
So naturally, I say
THE TALK: WEDNESDAY
I’m riddled with nerves
throughout my work day.
Bring 6 different outfits to my office.
End up with a palette of neutrals I think say
Get on sweaty circle line
and make my way to the location.
He’s standing outside
the station in a suit (oi oi savaloy).
Feel even more vexed-
I’m so underdressed!
We are walking
to the building, and I try
to sound breezy with:
‘So, is this a pyramid scheme or what?’
“Don’t worry, it’s just a way
to start making your own money.
WE WALK INTO …
It’s a small lecture hall type set up,
almost full with around 40 people inside.
Instantly I notice that 35 of these
people are men,
all around 18-25.
There’s a a stage
with 3 guys in suits
behind a table,
and a large projector showing
a slide show.
the first suited guy
stands up and
“There are 4 kinds of people in this world –
the business owners …
and the entrepreneurs.’
He declares in a loud, pastor-like tone.
When were ‘entrepreneurs’ a significant section of society??
Now we’re being shown several
graphs which look like
they were made on WordArt for Microsoft 2007,
containing no information.
“The entrepreneurs make up 10% of the people with 90% of the income…
because of a little thing called RESIDUAL INCOME.
These guys…they make money in their SLEEP.’
People around the room make
noises in awe,
whilst nodding their heads.
I’m just confused.
“With our system, you could be earning 2.5K a week within your first week of trading
– it’s a NO BRAINER!”
MAN IN SUIT GOES ON
With superlatives about how we’ll be living
the good life (driving Maserati’s),
before he FINALLY
explains that the ‘system’ is actually just
a website with
tutorials on how to forex trade.
Heads turn to look at me.
Mask it as a cough.
Surely, they don’t expect people to pay money for tutorials they could find on Google??
“For only £285 a month,
YOU will become a master of your own
future and you will see instant results.”
I’m getting tired,
but we then appears …
3 MORE MEN
Step on stage.
They’re talking about
how they quit their jobs to
join the system and have
never looked back.
We are told that if we
recruited JUST 250 people,
we’d have a residual income
of £2000 a month.
I let out a snort.
Who the fuck knows 250 people let alone 250 people they are looking to scam?!
I look to my left.
My date is shifting
uncomfortably in his chair,
as I’m the only person in this
ENTIRE AUDITORIUM who
doesn’t seem down to spend £300
a month on youtube videos.
A young guy comes out
to tell us about his experience.
He’s using lots of slang and
trying to make the young audience
feel at home but
it’s just making me cringe.
‘WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL YEAHH I was legit shottin’
cookies in the school yard,
you think I’m kidding but I made 50K in one term.’
Clearly this guy’s
just chatting shit.
Either that or he thought forex trading
would be less legwork than
selling candy to a baby.
I zoned out for a while until …
HE PUT A VIDEO ON THE SCREEN
“Guys, meet Ben Logue.”
He points at screen.
“Ben Logue was homeless,
living in his car with his pregnant wife.
Ben was a drug addict, he didn’t
have two pounds to rub together –
but he heard about the system,
flew to California,
and now he’s a millionaire.”
A over edited video plays
to the sound track of Avicii’s ‘Hey Brother’,
showing a dramatized version of Ben’s life.
Everyone has started clapping.
I turn to Mark –
“How did Ben fly to Cali and spend
£300 on a month of forex tutorials when
he was homeless living in his car with his pregnant wife?”
“I’m sure he had some money.”
The floor is opened for questions.
One of the other
5 females in the room asks:
“Could we see an example of the tutorials on the system?”
The men on stage look
Clearly this …
WASN’T PART OF THE PLAN.
“Um …yeah, yeah
sure ok … one second …”
10 minutes of technical
we’re met with a video that
looks like it was filmed on
a toaster and narrated by Siri.
Mark has the audacity to ask:
“Will you be signing up then?”
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