Skip to content

How to get Laid… at a Party

WORDS: Anna Sampson

Many people know me as A-Little Love, but those who know me best know me as A-Little-Loves-to-PARTY-ARD!!!!

Since I’m trying to give back to the world I thought I’d share some of my success and a write a guide.


1.)DRUGS
druggos2
Anyone who is anyone loves drugs!
As SOON as you
rock up
to the party,
drop the line:
Anyone willing to contribute to a certain fund ;)?”
If they’re relevant,
their eyes will lite up
like 4th of July
and ask what
you’re proposing.
I keep things realistic,
so say my ‘guy’s’
name is either :
Bones,
T-Strain or
Dj I-Chronik,
and that you best
believe my g
can pull up
within the
half hour.

 

If they inquire
about mates rates
turn, snigger
and say:
“Is the pope Catholic?”
Whack on some
deep house to get
the people going,
turn it all
the way up
(Tinnitus who?;),
run to the toilet and
call a trusted friend.
Tell them to bring:
1.) Zip lock bags
2.) Icing sugar
Throw some sugz in
a few baggies and
hand out.
You’ve now become a local legend. Thank me l8r. 

2.) LIVE LOUNGE

 

screen-shot-2019-07-01-at-11.58.46.png
Who’s ready 2 have their world rocked?? 😉
Everyone loves music at parties.
However, everyone prefers
live music.
I’m talking shit
that will take you back
to sitting round the
camp fire back in year 9,
seeing Paolo Nutini at Glasto,
or if you’re cultured,
listening to the
local
strum on the
beach in Indonesia.
What I’m trying to say
is have a guitar on you.
Snare drums also will
suffice.
RESIST, the urge to
bring an amp.
Nobody likes a try hard.
All you have to do
is break a glass so
people are looking at you,
whip out your
instrument
and smugly sing,
‘and a  1- and a -2 and a -.’ 
Popularity? Sky high buddy.
Audience? Captivated.
Chances of not pulling? NON EXISTENT M8!!!!!

3.) CONVERSATION

 

66036421_2197687853601827_4584207131200192512_n.jpg
Never leave a party
without leaving an
indelible mark.
You want people to
remember you for being
well calculated
and profound.
Here are some
conversation starters
that are a sure fire
way to duplicate
your friend requests
the next morning.
1.) “Boris, ey? What a scumbag!!!! Fuck the Tory scum!!! Who’s with me?” (say whilst raising a glass)
This screams
that you
understand politics
and
are not afraid
to stand
up to the
big guys!!!!
2.) “Hi… sorry, do you know the way to the toilet?” 
This one’s timeless.
‘Sorry’  immediately
makes the other
person feel
in control,
therefore important.
(Insecure dudes love
this shit, ladies!)
‘The toilet’ makes you
seem just like
anyone else;
relatable, and
at times
gross
and quirky!!
3.) “Can I get your advice on something?
                             Who else would you fuck here apart from me?”
       (say 2 someone easy on the eyes)
I didn’t want to give
this one away at
first but
you guys deserve it.
This is the ultimate
crowd pleaser.
You’re expressing
your interest,
the person’s inevitable
interest in you,
and adding some
English A level
in there because guess what?
It’s a rhetorical question !!!!  
FIN

 

Liked this?

READ >>>  “How to be a London IT Boy” .. <<<  XXX

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: