Skip to content

Are you Faux REAL?

Screenshot 2019-10-21 at 17.33.31.png

I thought, as they kept cropping up on my Instagram.

They claimed to be musicians but had no links to songs.

Three things, I did find.

1.) They’re twins.

2.) They like to wear suits.

3.) Sometimes they wear wife beaters.

Screenshot 2019-10-21 at 17.41.00.png

It did cross my mind, when I saw frequent “we’re DJing tonight” posts

and a picture with Alexa Chung.

Then, their first song finally dropped. “Second Sweat.” 

Watched the video and thought it a bit homoerotic, which was

slightly uncomfortable considering they’re related.

Anyway, I liked the song.

(I’d be lying if it didn’t take me a few listens to get into, though.)

When I saw they were playing in

town in just a week, I thought: 

“Why the HECK not?!!”

Quickly took to Instagram and slid in the DMs.

“May I take pictures of you before your gig?”

“Sure.”

So… here’s what happened!

VENUE?  Shacklewell Arms

FIRST BAND ON? Spoort 

Not only did they sound good,

but the lead singer looked like Timmy Chalamet!

Oi oi!

Screenshot 2019-10-24 at 10.19.53.png

Afterward, I met Faux Real at the

bar before their set.

Collectively we decided on

“taking it to the streets”

like a year 9 pissed about his

mate stealing the last Tangfastic.

What were they like?

They were pretty mellow, but as

soon as the flash

pointed in their direction it

was a completely different story. 

Screen Shot 2019-10-23 at 15.46.16

I mean, hats off to them, because

they knew how

to work the camera, but…really?

“Can you take that again of me? It’s not a good angle.” One of them said. 

#Derelicte 

 

BACK INSIDE

And it was #showtime.

I couldn’t believe it!

Now it was so crowded I had to elbow people

out the way and pretend to need the loo just

to get a look in near the front.

Liberty!

 

Screen Shot 2019-10-24 at 16.38.19.png

bulging eyes and

synchronised dance moves.

The songs felt pretty reminiscent of

Music & Lyrics’s “Pop Goes My Heart.”

And I mean that in

the best way possible.

I had no doubt that these

tracks would become hits,

I just couldn’t understand why

they hadn’t released them….

Or why they weren’t signed. 🧐

 

Screen Shot 2019-10-24 at 16.41.54.png

GIG ENDED

And my friend said he needed

to leave and eat dinner. 

I wasn’t hungry.

faux2.jpg

So on I stayed, standing awkwardly

at the bar, clutching a

plastic beer filled cup.

The band and their “entourage” were to my right,

which felt creepy (even for me),

like I was loitering there expectantly.

Maybe I was.

I went outside for a cigarette and

met a young monk and his two friends.

faux16.jpg

The two friends were girls

and stunning and

one was drunk, sloppy drunk,

and I really felt the friend’s pain.

Monk was Canadian and chubby

with bright blue eyes.

I liked his presence, but felt

somewhat confused

as to why he was drinking and

smoking.

“Im not your regular monk.”

Right then…

Right…

faux11.jpg

Drunk girl claimed to know

one of the Faux Real twins. She said:

“There’s a like, after party. Let’s go!”

in an American French accent

which sounded even

more tedious in a slur.

NEXT THING I KNEW

It was 2AM and I was

in a cab with

them to

The Moth Club. 

KNOCKED ON DOOR

Nobody answered.

The place was clearly shut!

FINALLY

A lanky blonde kid with a

sling opened the door.

He looked at us up and down for

a moment and then finally

agreed to let us upstairs.

(Bit insulting)

ENTERED INTO…

A small room (guessing a back office)

with steps that

went down into a

makeshift dance floor.

Drunk girl took no time to

start dancing, and she

was pretty enough

to kind of pull it off.

Spoke to one of the

twins who seemed so

unmoved by everything that

I thought:

“Challenge accepted m8.”

I asked him to choose

a song, because even

though I had designated myself as DJ,

I felt like being charitable.

“I don’t know… I don’t wanna choose one.”

“If a gun was to your head, what would you choose?”

“What? Why would there be a gun to my head?”

And with that I walked back over to the

monk and poured myself another drink.

————

END

Liked this? Read about the after party with Fat White Family : HERE

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: