Since I’m trying to give back to the world I thought I’d share some of my success and write a guide.
Money back guarantee fellas!
Anyone who is anyone loves drugs!
At any given moment, drop the line:
“Anyone willing to contribute to a certain… fund ;)?”
If they’re relevant their eyes will lite up like 4th of July and ask if they can get in on the action.
I keep things realistic so say my “guy’s” name is either:
3.) Dj I-Chronik
Put on some deep house to get the people going, run to the toilet and call a trusted friend. Tell them to pull up with some zip lock bags and fill with Icing Sugar or Splenda (we don’t all have fast metabolisms!!).
If the crowd is more blessed, chill and all round Zion some Oregano will do the job.
Hand out and watch ppl enjoy the high.
You’ve now become a local legend.
Thank me l8r.
Everyone loves music at parties.
However, everyone prefers LIVE music.
I’m talking shit that will take you back to sitting round the camp fire back in year 9, seeing Paolo Nutini at Glasto or if you’re cultured, listening to the local strum on the beach in Indonesia.
What I’m trying to say is have a guitar on you.
Snare drums also will suffice.
RESIST the urge to bring an amp.
Nobody likes try hards.
All you have to do is break a glass so the room sees you, whip out your instrument and smugly sing-
“…and a 1- and a -2 and a -“
Popularity? Sky high.
Chances of not pulling? NON EXISTENT M8!!!!!
You’re versatile so mix things up by playing covers by, Bob Dylan, and oh yeah, Bob Dylan. See what I did there?
He’s the man, man.
Nobody needs to know you didn’t grow up in Louisiana
so add a little twang to your singing voice.
Never leave a party without leaving an indelible mark.
You want people to remember you for being well calculated and… profound.
Here are some conversation starters that are a SURE way to duplicate your friend requests the next morning!
1.) “Boris, ey? What a scumbag!!!! Fuck the Tory scum!!! Who’s with me?” (say whilst raising a glass)
This screams that you understand politics and aren’t afraid to stand up to the big guys!!!!
2.) “Hi, sorry, do you… know the way to the toilet?”
In with a bang.
‘Sorry’ makes the other person feel in control, therefore important. The toilet makes you seem just like everyone else; relatable and at times *gross* and quirky!!
3.) “Can I get your advice on something? Who else would you fuck here apart from me?” (say 2 someone easy on da eyes)
I didn’t want to give this one away at first but you guys deserve it.
This is the ULTIMATE crowd pleaser.
You’re expressing your interest, the persons inevitable interest in you, and adding some English A level in there because guess what?
It’s a rhetorical question !!!!
Follow Never Pure on INSTAGRAM