The rollercoaster ride of a 25 year old Londoner…


The Last Line

Ollie and I “met” on Hinge at the beginning of lockdown.

From the get go he said he was a fan of my writing, and I said I was a fan of his band. He was the “ha. Yeah.” kind of guy via text which was jarring initially, but soon we discovered we had a lot in common, which prompted him to be so bold as to say “I think we may be soul mates.” 


What Happens at Laylow

Stormzy, Rihanna and Mick Jagger.

All regulars at this West London members club.

So riddle me this- why does Laylow’s  exterior look like an abandoned pub? 🤨

Surviving a Shit Show

His ass? Slung off his seat. 

His eyes? They can’t meet mine, and his hands? 

Well… they’re playing with the popcorn that’s sitting in a silver dish.

It came free, and it doesn’t take long to clock why. 80% of it is covered in mould.

He looks at a piece, looks at me, and then throws it in his mouth, like some kind of sick chirpse.

Baby stops crying.

Waiter turns and gasps.

Inside The Scotch of St. James

“Do you have a reservation?”
If you’re feeling bold

“Do you know who I am?”

At 6am as I was leaving, he remarked:

“I have blue balls.”

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