Sext and the City

Max came along and I thought he would be the perfect person.

By “came along” I mean we matched on Hinge. He looked kind of neanderthal like…gormless, also a bit like James Franco, but not enough to make me *catch feelings*. In the first five minutes we established two things.

1.) Screw lockdown! We wanted a cheeky kiss!

2.) What were we to do about it?

My Date With Daddy Warbucks

John had brown black eyes that looked like they belonged on one of
the small toys you get on a keychain that’s an animal but you can’t quite pin point what kind.

I took no time to say “You have big eyes” which in my mind warranted
staring into them most of the night.

His hair was a brown blunt cut which was awkward and he knew it, hiding it in a beanie and when he took it off he’d tousle it and then tuck it behind his ears.

Corona Diary: Pt 1

Lockdown has been interesting. For someone who ordinarily finds it hard to get out of bed, this has been a challenge.  Here’s some stuff that’s happened thus far…

The Garden

Has been abandoned since my Mom left. 

The grey cement slates unrecognisable with algae and weeds that clung to it for dear life and the potted plants shrivelled as if to say “Thanx for nothing”. With all this spare time on my hands I thought, ‘enough is enough’, and found a new hobby in gardening, (aka taking my anger out on a shovel whilst listening to Meghan Thee Stallion.) 

(The Lifestyle of the Rich) and Famous

I had been on two dates with a guy. Turns out, they had never been dates at all.

My Date with a Director

A long distance fling with a 40 year old crackhead, being savagely ghosted by a posh boy and being condemned for addressing a dwarf as a “midget”. No, this isn’t a game of would you rather, it was the state of my dating life. After a tub or two of Half Baked and Cookie Dough I felt bloated, pathetic and HSBC was on the blower telling me I had entered an “un arranged overdraft.” So I switched to smoking cigarettes and re downloaded Hinge. For the third time.

Things started off rough.

I was biting off more than I could chew- tossing likes around, (reaching the like limit) and not getting much back. Dudes liking me had answers on their profile such as “Probably won’t reply to U”, or “First round’s on me if you…just show up.” As I was about to delete the app again, I stopped in my tracks. There was a like from a director I was obsessed with. Drake’s “God’s Plan” never resonated with me more.

A Night at Boiler Room

This was my first time at Boiler Room.

If it wasn’t clear enough I asked the person who invited me:

“Where is this Boiler Room event then?”

“At Boiler Room Studios?”